I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
