I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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