break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
