Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
