Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize