Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
