why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
