no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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