Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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