I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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