I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
