oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
