Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
