My nipple is on Facebook.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
