Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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