just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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