Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
