You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
