At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
