When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
