I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
