one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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