So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
