Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
