Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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