You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
there was a trapeze. enough said
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize