I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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