69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
