i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
