I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
