Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
