uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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