when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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