You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
