a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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