batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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