if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
