If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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