Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
