ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
