We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
