i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize