WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
