alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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