I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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