I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
