I wish I could punch you in the face.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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