How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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