he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
