everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
