You did not just play the dead husband card again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
