No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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