So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
