okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
