what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
