I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
