I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he was CRYING into my vagina
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
