Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
