Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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