Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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