i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize