do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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