I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Couch. On fire.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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