ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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