Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
