whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize