Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
