Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
