you have to choose: penises or morals?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
