So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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