her vagina looked like bernie madoff
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize