Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
