i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
