I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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