You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
