The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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