nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
