Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize