The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
