It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize