Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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